Reply To: Pregnancy Loss

[Trish]

Below I’ve shared a few words I wrote to my sweet baby while I was in hospital after my miscarriage.

To my sweet angel baby 💕

I lost you on wednesday the 20th January, 2021 and my heart broke. A piece of me left when you left me…the pain I felt physically when you slipped out of me was nothing compared to the pain of losing you so early. The day I found out I was pregnant was one of the happiest and craziest moments in your dad and I lives, we just couldn’t believe it! You were created from immense love and you were loved just the same. The pregnancy started with me thinking I lost you and I thought to myself I didnt even get a chance to get used to the idea of pregnancy. However, your dad was always positive that you were still there and I held to that faith no matter how scared I was. Then in the following days I received the amazing news on my first ultrasound that you were there developing even tho I couldn’t see you yet!!! I was so excited. Fast forward to our first private ob appointment and seeing you there as tiny as you were brought tears to my eyes! I looked at your dad right away, love bursting through me. The following days pregnancy symptoms hit but no matter how awful they were I knew it would all be worth it. Tuesday January 12th was our next ultrasound. Mommy had a bit of spotting so we went earlier than normal. I’m so glad we did, you were much bigger than before and I couldn’t take the excitement of knowing you were healthy and ok. Seeing your heart beating was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen. I left that appointment in such high spirits, thoughts on the future of my growing family . I prayed for you every day and night. In my private moments I spoke sweet words to you, I sang to you, I wanted you to feel how much I loved you already. I enjoyed those moments at nights where dada rubbed my still small but growing belly and I would smile and go to sleep. I thought everything was going so great….little did I know. The fateful day came and as I began to feel the sharp pains I begged God to save you. I knew in my heart it was in vain but I would have done anything to save you. As the blood poured from me devastation and heartache filled me ….I went numb…I couldn’t think. Being in the labour ward and trying to accept the fact that I was losing you caused me to become delirious, I sobbed like never before. Then the worst pain hit me , I was alone, I wished dada was there to hold my hand. As i crawled to the bathroom I somehow knew this was it…I felt a gush and then relief. I looked down into the toilet and i immediately saw you , i broke down i couldn’t take it, I didn’t want this to be real. Dada and I saw you and we took comfort in that moment. Dada was my rock through it all and I have never appreciated someone more in my life…I love him so much. Baba we loved you and even though we weren’t able to hold you in our arms, we will always hold you in our hearts ❤ you will never be forgotten.