Today marks 100 days since you’ve been gone Kenzie. One hundred. I remember when one day was too much for me. The only time you ever left my side was to be by your Dad. And that was so hard for me. But I did it anyways because, your happiness, well-being and future, regardless of my feelings, were the only things that truly mattered. Now here we are…a year later, no you, no anything… I’m drained. Completely depleted. A shell. I feel like a walking crying corpse. I’m here in the flesh but everything else left with you the day you died….everything. This note below is from the first Saturday you left after we moved. And it was only a few hours you’d been gone. I felt sick… I am so sorry you had to go through that. The back and forth. Only having one of us at a time and not both like you were accustom to. Believe me, I wanted nothing more than for you to have your family whole and complete. You deserved that.
That was a few hours. Now imagine 100 days… And worse, 100 days of knowing that you are also never returning. It’s agony. There is no way that there’s a hell outside of this earth, because I feel like I’m living in it.
I dream of and think about you every single night when I finally close my eyes. And you’re the first thing on my mind when I open them. This morning I heard you singing and laughing, and then I woke up to the reality that you are no longer here. That’s how it goes every single day. I am so lost without you. So alone. So broken. I would give anything and everything to literally hold you again..I miss my girl. I miss your smell…your arm rubs…our silly car parties, watching you learn new things and look to me for approval, or the way you would shake your head to say no no if you knew you were doing something wrong. I miss your raspy little voice. The sound of you saying mum…our cuddles….TV time..I miss making you breakfast in the morning. Giving you a bath and getting on with our day.
I remember friends saying to me “You need a day for yourself to just let go feel like yourself again” a crazy assumption to make, because with you I was the most me I’ve ever been. The most alive, the most happy. It was everything else weighing me down. Never you. One told me too “You have to get her out the bed now or she will never want to leave” but none of it never applied…I loved having you around. I loved waking up to you. I loved doing anything with you. Taking you everywhere with me. And I’m so glad I did. You made this life worth living for me. You made me feel the sun. I was a better woman because of you. Finally at peace. Finally soaring. Though outside of you, every other part of my life seemed so up in the air, you were the thing that grounded me.
How did I make it here? To day 100 without you? Mummy is working on your legacy, tirelessly. I don’t want you to ever be forgotten. And truly, that’s been my only motivation. I look at your memories every day from the year before (2020). That keeps me going too. I watch and rewatch them throughout the day, but truthfully, nothing beats your presence. I need to be with you again my girl. Nothing, no one or no amount of time can ever replace you! It’s a cliche bunch of bs. You will always be my daughter. The fruit of my womb..”mummy favorite”. The best thing that’s ever been mine. I love you so much Kenzie 😔 and I really really really wish you were here.
I cannot imagine what you’re going through. She is so sweet and loved. My prayers are with you and your family. I’m not a mom, and I cannot relate at all.
We can tell how much you love and miss her. Sending love and prayers to you.
I cannot imagine what ur are going through, but I pray that God places his hands on u and heal ur heart. I pray that u find the strength,comfort that u need during this time,take all the time u need to heal,baby Kenzie will always be with you. Sending u lots of hugs my dear God will bring u through this.
Kenzie You deserved to be here, we miss you soo much, your peace and the love you showed your mummy at such a young precious age will one of the things I missed the most the connection you both had was magical to see …
Sigh the connection yall had wa such a blessing to watch honestly …. I had never seen a connection between two people as strong as I’d seen you and kezie have. I remmeber having to at least let her see you while I had her because she just needed to know you weren’t too far away she loved her mummy I remember the times she just want to kiss you up … you meant the world to her and I miss her so much
This is truly gut wrenching…I pray you find the strength to cope in such a difficult situation…
This is truly so heartbreaking. I am in tears for you. There is nothing anyone can truly say to make this better or to even make sense of this. She was a little beautiful Angel. Grief can be so cruel and crippling. It’s nothing to “get over” but to endure and live with. I lost my Mother in 2019 and I still think about her every, single day I wake up. I still cry and I still ask “why her??! Why like this???” The day she died it felt like a part of my Spirit left this Earth. Nothing was ever the same since then. If not for my Faith and GOD, IDK where I’d be. That little light of Hope that our loved ones are in the Arms of the Holy Father is all we have. There would never be any “normalcy” in your life after such a big loss. But you will feel happiness again. You will laugh and you will love. I am soooo sorry this happened. I wish you love, light, comfort and GODs peace.
My heart aches for you, I admire your strength and how you’ve been coping through such a heartbreak. I pray you continue to find the strength to make her Legacy unforgettable
A mother’s love is unlike no other. My heart goes out to you …..strength and peace
Love is an never ending feeling and what you have for your daughter will be a never ending feeling. She is happy knowing that you loved her with all in you and she loves you just the same or more. She came as a blessing even though her time on earth was short, her soul and spirit lives on forever and will continue to do so until you meet again. I pray that you take comfort knowing that she is in the hands of God at this time and I pray he touches you everyday with his love. Grief is never easy but Jesus will grant you peace, mercy and strength in this time. May Kenzi spirit continue to live on!
It breaks my heart every single time. They are no words that will comfort you we can sit here and give you a million words of comfort but it would never amount to the comfort of your daughter being around. I will forever keep you in my prayers. God got you sweetie
I cannot…even imagine what you are going through and how you are feeling…I can read your pain with each word. I am so sorry for you lost…Please remain strong as I believe, sooner than later, each day will get easier. Never doubt you did your best for your beautiful daughter with every situation presented….Please remain strong…
I do not know you but Kenzie’s story is pulling at my heart strings. I pray you continue to be strong and be comforted in her sweet memories.